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“I know you didn’t GIVE ME your number, but I managed to acquire it without your permission and am using it to ask you out!” If we see each other regularly, ask me for it directly. If we don’t, ask the person you’re getting it from to ask me for permission first. It’s so creepy to just get a text and have to investigate who’s spreading my number around.
Unless we explicitly ask, don’t send us pics of your d**k. It doesn’t matter if its huge, we don’t want to see some random guys d**k pop up on out phone on our lunch break.
Edit: this has sparked a lot of conversation and “not all men”, so I just wanted to clarify my end. I posted this from my own personal experience, and hearing from my younger sister’s personal experiences. I know there are many great men out there and don’t have a negative view of men overall. But based solely off my experiences on social media, this is the norm. I also work in retail/customer service, which means I’m always nice because I’m being paid to be nice. Of the thousands of customers I’ve served, I’d say roughly 95% of men are perfectly polite and respectful. 5% will throw in some sexual innuendos or inappropriate comments. Of that 5% I have had maybe 10 people say something or do something that’s made me uncomfortable enough to ask for a male manager to deal with. These same men do it to other female front end staff too. One asked for my number and didn’t get it. I have not received any d**k pics from customers.
As for male customers misinterpreting my being nice because I’m being paid to be for flirting, it has reached a point where we actually have a code word/phrase set up to page over the intercom to signify that things have become too uncomfortable. Using the code phrase will get a male to come to our tills under the pretense of helping with a technical error with the machine but really just stand there until the customer leaves.
As a guy, I think it’s very important to remember that a lot of women aren’t trying to be be rude. It’s at the point where they just don’t want to attract any unwanted attention, which must suck. A comment my wife made once: Men fear rejection, but women fear r*pe or worse.
When they walk by and feel the need to grab your shoulders, waist, or hips, and try to act innocent when you call them out on it. I’m 99% sure if a random man held you in place like that in a grocery store aisle you’d feel violated too, dude…
Did this by accident the other day.
Outside having a smoke and made eye contact with a girl who lives in my apartment block. Start chatting about normal stuff. Wasn’t trying to get her number (wouldn’t have said no though) just being friendly.
She finished her smoke before me and I realised I’d sort of positioned myself in her way so she had to either walk around me awkwardly or ask me to move. Suddenly felt really awkward and I apologised as soon as I realised and moved right out of her way.
So yeah, don’t block the exit path of whoever you’re talking to, even by accident. Makes you feel like a proper creep.
I’m a guy myself but I’ve heard from my GF that some people just get way too close, even while just having a normal conversation. It’s an invasion of personal space. Dudes think that just because the girl doesn’t move away at once it’s ok to be up your face.
No, just because a girl doesn’t immediately jump away doesn’t mean that she’s into you. Some people just want to act polite without escalating an already creepy situation.
Asking me out or flirting in the weirdest situationes. Like I get it, it takes courage and preparation to ask someone out or just talk to a girl, but seriously, those guys…
Recently at 2am on the street, while walking my dog. I just got home earlier from workout and I was too lazy to change. This guy would follow us a few steps and made “smooch”(?) sounds to attract my attention. I’m not naive, but I always want to give people a chance to explain themselves, so I waited and had him approach me. Got the standard “Where are you from?” ,”What’s your name?” “I like your tattoo.”. I kept my replies reserved and polite, but told him that I really don’t want to talk to him. He buzzed off. My dog also made it **very** clear that he disagrees with him talking to me.
What did he expect? 2am. Lonely street without any cafés or clubs or bars to be open at night, me walking my dog in smelly workout clothes…
Edit: Accidentally hit reply before finishing what so wrote.
PUTTING THEIR HANDS ON YOUR WAIST WHEN THEY’RE TRYING TO GET PAST YOU. If I had a nickel for every guy who’s done this to me I’d be swimming in cash. The thing is, when it’s my boyfriend doing it it doesn’t even register with me because that’s someone I’m comfortable with and am ok with touching me. But SO MANY random a*s dudes do it to me. I first noticed it when I was in high school, I was really heavily involved with theatre and would sometimes be on the backstage crew, guys were really bad about it then. It happens a lot at bars and concerts too. So creepy and annoying.
Ugh. Where’s my hug. And guess who! With the hands over your eyes. Or those weird creepy shoulder rubs where they stand so close to you.
Not most guys but most guys of a certain age.
Insulting other women in an attempt to compliment you. For example
‘ I like the way you dress, most women these days go out half naked etc’
Often followed by other insulting sweeping statements trying to make the intended target feel special. Such as:
‘ You’re the first woman I’ve met in a long time that can hold an intelligent conversation’ ( usually after unsolicited dull political rants)
‘Girls these days get so drunk, don’t they have any self respect?’ ( you will usually see this same man attempting to take home very drunk women at the end of the night when his horrible compliments have failed)
Etc etc etc
Firstly, putting other women down just makes you look like an a*s.
Secondly how do you know I am not a woman who often goes out ‘half naked’ and gets smashed and you are not directly insulting me.
Thirdly, suggesting you have not met anyone that can keep up with your conversation either suggests you unfairly think women are stupid or you attract only stupid women, and you are arrogant.
Finally let’s not get into the very long explanation of how accusing women of having no self respect in these contexts is usually just sexism and control of women’s agency veiled as concern.
Saying, “But women do it too!” Doesn’t make anything any less terrible, and whatever creepy thing I was complaining about just makes me wary that now this guy is justifying it or trying to turn the argument on women.
I think the creepiest thing happens when you turn a guy down.
People are pressing on and on even if you told them no in one way and another.
And then you tell them “My boyfriend waits at home” and they back the f**k down.
What the heck, guys? Is another guy’s possible opinion on you meeting me *really* worth more than my opinion?!
Attempting to flirt with me while I am at work. I’m a cashier at a retail store and the amount of times men of all ages have made creepy remarks to me and my other female coworkers is just…astounding.
Also purposefully touching our hands while we hand you back your change or your receipt, very creepy.
I just personally feel like I’m being put in a position where I can’t win because I’m at work and I have to be nice to you because “customer service”. It’s bs honestly.
I don’t know if most guys actually do this, but altering your behavior when an attractive woman enters the vicinity. My friend works right across from a popular park, and whenever I go to pick her up and wait for her, I’ll watch the people hanging around out there. Some guys just shut up and stop functioning, others start like lifting their backpacks and s**t (what???) It’s like they can’t just continue what they were doing.
Watch “teen” or “barely legal” p*rn. In fact in some states, those are the top p*rn searches. It creeps me out because I’ve seen pop ups of those videos when watching my own stuff and the girls look 13-16 max. All I can think of is if it were legal, these men would totally go for a pubescent child. Yuck.
Personally, I don’t like receiving compliments on my appearance from total strangers. I think a lot of guys feel that they are being nice, but to me it feels uncomfortable and unnecessary.
*Staring*.
I work in a warehouse that is like 95% male and had this coworker “John” who was easily in his 50’s, overweight, and wheezed just standing but that didn’t phase me. I like to think I get along with *everyone* and I can take a hell of a lot. Until one day one of my other male coworkers pointed out that John stared at me every second that I was in his line of sight. I’d never noticed before, but I began to take note a lot more. He really did stare at me a lot. Even when I turned to catch him at it. Never spoke to me unless he had to, he just stared. And it creeped me out far more than any off-colour or distasteful “jokes” I could get. At least with those kind of things, I could lash back, turn it around and make them the butt of that joke. But how do you quantify getting upset over *staring*?! Thankfully, my coworkers had my back and they went to our awesome manager who had a chat with me and then made sure John was always doing something else on the other end of the warehouse until the day he was let go.
If my body language says don’t touch me, then don’t touch me. Don’t come up and put your arm around me and just leave it there. Or hug me.
Explaining things to me that I JUST FINISHED EXPLAINING. And its rarely in a “there is also this,” and for whatever reason deals with things that have actually had to deal with. Like periods. Pretty sure I got this covered guys.
Also, guys who tell me why some women are into women are the absolute cringiest. One notable memory is the guy I got into a fight with over why a woman would use a strap on. And no, he was not correct.
Had a coworker who was in a higher position than me massage my shoulders at my desk without my permission. Immediately reported him and he had the nerve to say to one of my coworkers “I didn’t know she didn’t like to be touched.”
So… yeah. That.
As a guy i’d like to say that women on voice chat in video games have to deal with so much s**t. In about 80 percent of game lobbies girls will be made fun of or told to shut up when they talk. Because apparently making r*pe threats and saying go back to the kitchen makes you an absolute Pinnacle of comedy. All female gamers I know have given up on using voice chat because of this s**t.
Hugging me upon first meeting. Last night I had a man hug me upon meeting me, he held me way too long and slid his hands down my body to my a*s. It was really uncomfortable, and even worse my friend brushed it off as him being a horny old man. Not cool!
I had a few guys *insist* on picking me up for a date. They (probably) thought they was being nice and chivalrous while alarm bells were going off in my head, I don’t want dudes off Tinder knowing where I live.
Talking to other male coworkers about “wanting to hit that” when referring to a female coworker. There’s nothing more creepy to me than hearing guys talk predatorily about someone they work with on a daily basis. Especially when their excuse is, “But all the guys in the office think she’s hot.” That makes it even creepier!
EDIT: Women aren’t exempt from this either.
If I’m doing the bare minimum to occasionally reply to your constant “how’s your day?” “How’s work going?” “Have a good weekend” texts, maybe stop sending them all the damn time.
And before you accuse me of wanting men to be mind readers, this is always *after* very direct conversations about the fact that I’m not interested in a romantic relationship, etc. these texts come off as very, “hey I still exist if you change your mind!”
Along those same lines, if you’ve invited someone to do a thing a few times and its always been politely declined, stop asking. You’re annoying. If she is truly interested but just *actually* busy, she will initiate it when she has more time and she will show enthusiasm. Let her bring it up.
I really don’t like it when men stare at me at the gym, especially in the weight room, like obviously at my chest or my behind, even though I am just wearing shorts and a T-shirt. I am trying to work out, I want to feel safe and confident about my body. It makes me feel like I don’t belong there, or that I am just a spectacle. It ruins my frame of mind for working out; instead of focusing on achieving my goals, I feel anxious, self-conscious and even sometimes threatened. This happens every time I go to the weight room, there is at least one guy that does it. And I am not being overly sensitive, it is so blatant, like unwavering, unblinking stare, or people moving their work-out space or bench so they are across from me while I do the exercises. I almost feel like a women-only weight room is the only answer, but it shouldn’t have to be that way…just be polite and focus on yourself, your scaring me!
I don’t wanna say most, but an unsettling number of guys don’t seem to understand that you can’t just approach strangers on the street and ask for sex.
Flirting with strangers is always a tricky business. It’s not NEVER okay, but you know the drill – headphones, at work, walking away, etc. In addition to all the bad places and times, though, so many guys just say stupid, creepy-a*s things. Like I’ve been approached three times now (in a library, a cafe, and a Fedex) by guys who cold open with a cheery, “So I was just looking at you through the window and figured I’d come in and ask if you’d wanna go out with me! I was just headed back to my place…” Just WHY??? Of the infinite combinations of English words one could string together, “Hi I’ve been creepin on you through the window for a while, may I f**k you?” might be the LEAST charming opener.
Café guy could have come in, bought a coffee, sat down, and then tried to start a conversation. Maybe asked what I was reading, said he liked the band on my shirt, pretended he thought he recognized me from class. Some options are tackier than others, and none would have worked on me, but that’s because I’m a lesbian. If a girl approached me in a café with a generic question or a mild nonsexual compliment, I might consider talking to her. But in what f*****g reality does anyone get laid by flinging open a store door and busting in like it’s a police raid, screeching “NICE TITS LEMME TOUCH.”.
Staring is the major thing, but also being weird about clothing. Like instead of ” I like that skirt you should wear it more, it looks nice on you” or something they are like “why aren’t you wearing that skirt? I like it. You need to wear it more.” like noooooooo thanks buddy, that’s rude for one thing and creepy for another.
When a colleague or someone I am not close friends with calls me “sweetie”. Just dont!
When they pull your hair, like REALLY HARD, then call it cute. Wtf.
Men talking about how marriage is a trap and being the worst decision of their lives or being chained to one person is a common joke.. if you feel that way don’t commit? It’s creepy to think it’s normal to have that view on relationships.
When men get your attention especially just to get past you somewhere crowded and they do so by putting their hands low on your back or on your waist. Pls just tap me on the shoulder or y’know, use your words.
Being forced to hug them. There used to be a particularly awful photograph of me as a teenager being forcibly hugged by a guy who was obsessed with me throughout high school – him facing the camera looking smug because he was in a photo with me and me blurry and in the process of trying to escape.
Bear in mind, I am and always have been a tiny 5ft nothing girl and he was a giant guy who overcompensated with martial arts. He managed to keep me there with one arm.
Guys in online video games. If they aren’t outright harassing me with totally inappropriate humor, they are trying to slyly get me to be their online gf. Some take longer than others, some use emotional blackmail. Then, there are the guys that are genuine, don’t want a relationship, and awesome to talk to and play games with. Those are usually the ones in relationships where the girl gets insecure and doesn’t let them play with me anymore… even thought I literally say, I am not interested. No long distance, period. I just wanna talk and joke around. No pics, from either side, let’s just f*****g game. So, in essence, either creepy or taken.
Some guys really try to pressure you to drink a lot and its the creepiest thing bc its so transparent.
Following women they find attractive around public spaces. We notice. And it’s really, really creepy.
I guess this is done to find the courage or an opportunity to introduce themselves, but when it’s late at night and you’re slowly following me along a subway platform, saying hi to me after you sat down next to me in an empty subway car just doesn’t scream romance.
Take the opportunity to feel up my hip curve during a hug or a photo. I always do it back to them while looking them dead in the eye with my library lady stare and it always seems to creep them out right back.
Also sneak quick nose picks and think nobody notices. Barfolomew.
Call us “mami” ugh… I don’t know if most men do that, but it’s common where I live.
Again, dont know how common it is, but a guy at my job follows me and stares at me from afar. When I make eye contact with him he will either keep staring (wtf) or turn away and act like he’s doing work.
Any physical contact besides a handshake or high five.
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