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I know I am not the only woman who feels like a survivor after weathering the storms of marriage and motherhood and emerging with unexpected battle scars. As we age, we gain perspective, realizing that the journey we imagined often takes twists and turns we never anticipated.
The Beginning of Disillusionment
Five years ago, after 33 years of marriage, I found myself starting over. My family had faced addiction, mental illness, cancer, learning disabilities, and the daily strain of a marriage that had long been unraveling. The dreams of a perfect family – children who would be saints and scholars, a marriage rooted in unshakable love – had given way to a reality I never saw coming.
Like many Christian parents, I clung to the promise:
Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it. — Proverbs 22:6, NIV
But faith does not exempt us from hardship. The Lord is still writing my children’s stories, and I have learned to release my expectations into His hands.
The Dance of Love and Loss
For those of us in our later years, these reflections carry a weight they didn’t in our youth. We are the women who have loved, lost, endured, and found strength we didn’t know we had. I wrote a book for women like us – Marriage and Motherhood Survivor – the ones who have navigated the depths of heartbreak yet refuse to be defined by it.
This book is for the mothers who gave their all, prayed fervently, and still watched their children make choices they couldn’t control. It’s for the wives who sacrificed and compromised, only to realize they had lost themselves in the process. It’s for the women who have faced life’s greatest trials and come through – not unscathed, but wiser, stronger, and determined to keep moving forward.
Thriving Is the Goal!
As I pieced my life back together, I learned that survival is not the goal – thriving is. I discovered the necessity of self-care, the joy of friendships forged through shared experiences, and the power of reclaiming the parts of ourselves that we once set aside for the sake of others.
Marriage and motherhood may not have unfolded as we once envisioned, but that does not mean our best years are behind us. There is still laughter to be shared, dreams to be pursued, and purpose to be found in this new season of life.
I really wanted the dream of a marriage until death, of kids and grandkids coming over for Sunday dinner, and for joyous family holidays. That’s not my reality. I can become bitter that life didn’t turn out that way, or I can seek other joy ahead.
Joy Ahead!
To my fellow women who have walked this road: you are not alone. Your story is not over. If you have ever wondered what comes next, let me assure you – there is still life, love, and joy ahead.
Five years after my divorce, I am back in my chosen career, am deeply in love with each of my children, and am in a wonderfully rewarding relationship with a new man.
I am relishing a personal freedom I never thought possible. I am free to live my life the way I choose, to make choices that work for me, and to think and act with complete freedom and autonomy.
It was a journey to get here. From feelings of terror and fear through to peace and fulfillment. There were roadblocks and detours along the way, but I am no longer stuck in life. Freedom comes at a cost, but once tasted, you cannot go back.
Do you feel like you are stuck in a muddy mire or marriage and motherhood? It won’t always be that way.
Welcome to Marriage and Motherhood Survivor. May it encourage you, strengthen you, and remind you that even after heartbreak, there is beauty yet to be found.
For more articles about surviving family life, consider:
How to deal with having an estranged adult child;
I’m a marriage and motherhood survivor and I’m OK;
Breaking Free: When anger and gaslighting define marriage.
Discussion Questions:
What did it take for you to realize that your marriage was over? If your grown children have challenged you, how did you set boundaries with them? What steps to freedom can you recommend for other women going through the crucible of family life?
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