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Trust is the foundation of every relationship, and the slightest chink in that armor can cause everything to crumble. It could be much worse if that broken trust happened after unveiling a distressing secret.
A man had been with his girlfriend for six months when he stumbled upon her “blackmail folder.” What bothered him the most was seeing his initials in one of the files.
His discovery has left him paranoid, and he fears she may intrude on his privacy. He now asks the Reddit community for some sane advice.
Broken trust can cause irreparable damage to a relationship
Image credits: Tima Miroshnichenko / Pexels (not the actual photo)
A man had been with his girlfriend for six months with no issue until it all changed one day
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
He stumbled upon his significant other’s “blackmail folder” with his initials in one of the files, leaving him in a confused state
Image credits: ThrowRA_littlepatkaa
Dark secrets are borne from deep shame
The girlfriend may also be embarrassed by having a blackmail folder and likely feels the burden of hiding it.
“If someone is experiencing shame or fear, they create an internal marketplace for secrets,” NYC-based psychologist Dr. Nando Pelusi tells Psychology Today.
Columbia University professor Michael Slepian also brings up an important point: keeping a secret, especially one that could shatter your image with a loved one, depletes your mental resources and eventually drains you.
“(If we feel depleted), other things out there in the world seem to require more effort,” Slepian explains. “That lowers our motivation to take on tasks.”
Apart from her personal issues, the woman may have suffered greatly because she kept a secret blackmail folder. On top of that, her boyfriend no longer trusts her enough to feel secure in their relationship.
Rebuilding trust means creating a brand-new relationship
The author still seems open to carrying on with the relationship. However, rebuilding that broken trust could mean starting from scratch.
“Once trust has been broken, the old relationship cannot exist anymore,” licensed marriage and family therapist Elisa Blair, LMFT, explained in an article for her site.
Step one is accepting the possibility of getting hurt again, which Blair recognizes as a tall and challenging task. However, it’s about telling yourself everything will be fine if it happens.
Healing will happen over time, including the trust issues caused by betrayal. However, it requires a lot of hard work. Blair recommends individual and couples therapy as tools for processing difficult emotions.
“The very foundation of your relationship needs to be rebuilt. Therefore, it is a new relationship. Just like a new house after a terrible termite infestation,” Blair wrote.
The author has two choices: confront his girlfriend about the folder and persuade her to fix things through therapy, or leave the relationship and move on. The worst thing he can do is ignore the problem and sweep it under the rug.
Commenters didn’t hold back with their advice
Others shared similar experiences
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